Old people annoy the living ass fuck outta me.
They should all fucking die right now. Every single last one of them. I am not being cute. Someone hit ’em with a stick or something. Or keep driving over them with an empty shopping cart.
WHAT THE FUCK is up with that? Why in shit’s name can’t old people drive shopping carts? The carts have wheels that move in every freaking direction and still those old bastards manage to drive them all over the place. Here’s a hint, old people:
TRY NOT MOVING YOUR CART INTO A SPOT THAT’S ALREADY BEING OCCUPIED BY A FUCKING PERSON!
Jesus H Christ.
They also act like they don’t notice you, even though you know that they so do. When you say stuff like ‘Uhm, I’m sorry Ma’am, you’re pushing your cart straight into my ballsack’ (of course I have to say it more politely ’cause I work at the damn store) they’re always going ‘Oh, I am so sorry!’
THEY’RE NOT SORRY!
THEY ENJOY HITTING PEOPLE WITH THEIR SHOPPING CARTS!
THEY ARE SICK TWISTED FUCKS!
Seriously. And why do they get up so damn early? The shop opens at 8.30 am, which is waaaay too early for any sane person to go shopping. You know, sleep in and come around the shop at 10 o’ clock, no problems there. BUT NO! Those fucking retarded old bastards are standing at the fucking gates like a gang of… I don’t know, CHILD RAPISTS!…. so they can enter the shop when it opens. And then they even have the balls to complain if a certain piece of meat isn’t on the shelves yet. Hint, old people: if you come to the store at a reasonable hour like 10 o’ clock, all the shelves are full and everyone will be happy. Well, except the people WHOSE TOES ARE CRUSHED BY YOUR DAMN INCAPABILITIES TO DRIVE A FUCKING SHOPPING CART! of course.
FUCK YOU, OLD PEOPLE!
God, I hate them! Young people are awesome!
So they’re getting up way too early, always complaining about stuff and they can’t drive carts. You’d think it ends there but no. Old people have another way of really getting on your nerves: making stupid demands. ‘Oh dear, I’d like four hamburgers please. There’s only packs of two, three or five hamburgers on the shelves.’
Me: So ehm, take two packs of two hamburgers…?
Old fart: Oh heavens no, that won’t do, I want them all in one pack.
Me (thinking): I so want to ram a spear up your ass and twist it about some, very very slowly.
Me: Why certainly, not a problem!
Good thing I’m good at being polite.
FUCK ASS SHIT CUNT BITCH PIPI KAKA!
So you give the old broad the four hamburgers and she’s like ‘Oooh, but those aren’t the ones I want! I want four of the other kind!’ and she’s looking at you, kind of semi pissed. And I’m like ‘But these are the burgers you showed me, I thought you wanted these…’. And she’s like ‘No no no, I want that kind’. And I’m like ‘Well, I do apologize, I’ll have your burgers for you in a minute, Ma’am!’
Of course what I’m really thinking is ‘I have lost all hope in mankind and want to die’. After a while, your annoyance meter goes so far up that it eventually implodes, resulting in you just not caring about all the dumb shit old people do anymore. Except when they keep pushing their fucking carts in my side. I know you know I’m there, old people. Be warned. Some shit’s gonna go down!
But seriously. Annoyance posts are legendary. Maybe we’ll see some more here soon. Probably not ’cause I’m a lazy fuck and I really don’t care about you, my retarded audience who always keep fucking asking me to write again. What’s up with that? Always those lame ‘So when you gonna write again?’ questions. Fuck if I know when I’m gonna write again.
I’d rather people asked more interesting questions such as ‘So here’s this hot chick who’s totally into you, you wanna go and make sweet love to her all night long?’ Now that’s a question worth answering! Or ‘Hey, I know these two lesbians. You can’t make out with them ’cause, you know, ther lesbians, but they have told me you can watch while they pleasure themselves. Feel like it?’ Hell fucking yes. Or ‘See that old woman in the store there? I can totally hook you up with her if you feel like making sweet love to–‘
NO NO NO!
GET OUT OF MY SEXUAL FANTASIES, OLD PEOPLE!
So, to conclude this deep and meaningful reflection on everyday life, Osahi has asked me to pay him a tribute because he stopped blogging. You know why he stopped blogging? Because he’s a gay ass sausage wanker, that’s why. Seriously though, his blog was great to read and therefore deserve a fitting hommage. Too bad he ain’t getting one from me. All I’m gonna say is
Osahi, you suck ass.
There, hope you cry yourself to tears tonight while listening to your ‘Ohmagod, it can store 80 gigs of music!’ iFuckingPod. Screw big iPods, Nano’s are way better for impressing girls. You can use great pick-up lines such as ‘Hey baby, you can Flow my Covers anytime…’ or ‘Hey baby, I’m all the Genius you’ll ever need…’ or ‘Hey baby, wanna synch my Nano to your… ehm, USB port?’
Then I usually get slapped in the face. Maybe pick-up lines like that are the reason I don’t get girls. Guess I still have a lot to learn from the legen… wait for it… dary Barney Stinson. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to suit up and beat up some old people. Why? Because I can!