When I say Mötley

I was going to post a funny, well I find it rather alarming personally but I guess you’d say it’s funny, picture here but unfortunately I can’t even find the camera now. Maybe it’s having an affair with the battery and they both ran off to a better place. Fucking cunts.

My first, and let’s pray it won’t be my last, Mötley Crüe show was FUCKING AWESOME.
The Crüe blew my balls off, rocked my socks off, killed my father, raped my mother and robbed me. They even played some decent music.

Before the show I was slowly getting annoyed by a a couple of German speaking drunks who were wearing eyeliner and kept taking pictures of themselves. But as soon as the Crüe came on stage and blasted some Dr. Feelgood down our dumb Belgian asses, everything was illuminated. Sorry, just wanted to use that movie title. It was a pretty short show, about one hour and twenty minutes, but the setlist was just deliciously ass kicking.

01 Dr. Feelgood
02 Shout At The Devil
03 Wild Side
04 Looks That Kill
05 Live Wire
06 Same Ol’ Situation (S.O.S.)
07 Home Sweet Home
08 Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)
09 Louder Than Hell
10 Sick Love Song
11 Primal Scream
12 Girls, Girls, Girls
13 [Guitar Solo]
14 Kickstart My Heart

Just look at those first five songs. If you don’t know ‘em, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS BLOG! I DON’T LIKE YOU AND I DON’T LIKE YOUR FACE! GO FUCK YOUR AUNT! Now, back to the show. After five songs of absolute headbanging and dancing craziness came my three favourite singalong songs by the Crüe. Same Old Situation is just plain old fun, Home Sweet Home was close to a spiritual experience and Don’t Go Away Mad just felt so damn right at this point in my life. I wasn’t that excited about the next three songs, not that they’re bad, they’re just not as good as the other ones. But I have to say I like Louder, Primal and Sick Love Song more than I did before the show. And man, Girls Girls Girls followed by a guitar solo by Mick, even some Jimi Hendrix in there, and my all-time favourite Crüe song Kickstart My Heart made this a damn fine set. Songs like Ten Seconds To Love, Too Fast For Love or Red Hot would have been nice as well, but you can’t have it all. I’m glad they didn’t go for that horrible Anarchy encore. There is no better song to end a rock ‘n roll show than Kickstart My Heart. Well, maybe Paradise City. Nah.

Since you’re all bored senseless with my updates about Carmen and my emotional life, I guess I shouldn’t update this post. That doesn’t mean I won’t. Because right now I couldn’t give a flying fuck about your opinion. Writing stuff down here is relieving. I know I should say all that stuff to people to whom it matters instead of wasting your time down here, but I’m not up to it. Yet. Anyway, I guess you should stay tuned for another update. Maybe some more Mötley stuff, maybe the funny picture I promised, probably just a steaming pile of dog turds. And you know, go fuck your aunt.

So many F-words, this used to be such a nice blog!

Well, it actually never was a nice blog, just less fucks.

‘When I say Mötley you say Crüe! Mötley!’
‘Crüe!’
‘Mötley!’
‘Crüe!’

Update 1

I had a great idea the other night for a couple of pictures here, but since I still haven’t found the camera I just made sure you wasted a couple of seconds of your life reading this sentence. Malevolence!

Yesterday was one of those days where I was going to do it. I put on my sexy black Johnny Cash shirt, honestly, that shirt is so hot all kinds of flies and bugs keep hitting me when I’m riding on my bike because they want to have sex with me, practiced my sexy look and smelled my armpits before I entered, entered what? huh?, and went to my Spanish exams. I was planning on going to the café afterwards, around 4-5PM, to see if she was there. I brought The Dirt by Mötley Crüe along in case she wasn’t, so I could read some bad ass rock ‘n roll stories instead. You already know where this story is headed.

Of course when I got back from my exams I passed the café, wondered why I didn’t go in, took my bike, wondered some more, farted, sniffed to see if it was a stinker, yep, looked around, gotta practice that sexy look, sighed and went home. Once I got there, I looked at myself in the mirror, said ‘Fuck’ to the guy in the mirror, why? he didn’t do anything wrong!, drank a quarter bottle of Jägermeister, played some guitar and read a few chapters in The Dirt. Wow, this is really boring to write so it must be excruciatingly dull for you to read. LOL!

I’m really fucked up. In twenty years, I’ve never drunk by myself. Well, maybe a beer once or twice a week, honestly, I don’t drink that much beer when I’m at home, Ice Tea up the irons! But these last few weeks I take a couple shots of Jäger every night just to calm myself down. I’m really starting to wonder why, because I am calm by nature. I try to banish emotions such as hate, anger and sadness from my life, I usually don’t have anything to be angry or depressed about. Now over the years that attitude has grown on me, causing me to not care about a lot of stuff, or just ignoring them if they become too emotional. Which is probably the reason why, after some time, I found it hard to cry and just couldn’t be bothered to get angry about stuff that annoys me.

But anyway, about the Jägermeister. Did you know Jäger was the liquor that ended Vince Neil’s midlife crisis? Vince is the singer from Mötley Crüe, you ignorant cunt. He drank so much he drove his motorcycle into his stripclub, smashed it into a couple of tables, passed out, woke up in some bed and didn’t get out for two days because he was sick of alcohol poisoning and couldn’t stop vomiting. What a great story! My dad also swore never to drink Jägermeister again after he chugged an entire bottle when he was younger and woke up wishing he hadn’t. It’s a dangerous liquor man. Strangely enough, my dad keeps buying bottles for me. And since he doesn’t drink it anymore, THEY’RE ALL MINE!

Honestly, read that. That’s not me, I’m not that evil. I don’t wanna be evil. I want to be the guy all my friends’ mothers want to have as a son in law. And sons in law don’t drink. You know, because they’re… in law. Huh? What? Shut up. Could be a slight form of schizophrenia, one part of me is the nice guy and the other one just wants to do nothing but get drunk on Jägermeister and be depressed or angry. Man, this is boring. Why are you still reading this? Get a life. What I don’t want to do is stop drinking Jägermeister because it’s just too damn good. I just don’t want to drink as much of it as I’m doing these last few weeks, because that’s not me. That’s the other guy who thinks he’s me. He also thinks he is sexier, which is of course ridiculous.

About not going to the café. Yes, I won’t stop. Waste that precious time. I’m the definition of irony when it comes down to the café. Every evening I check my cell phone to see if anyone wants to go to the café, except on Mondays, then the café’s not open so I watch a movie about a café instead. Of course nobody ever asks since they’re all studying for their exams or they just don’t want me to go along to the café, which I understand since I’m useless as café company. And I never ask other people to go, I always wait to get asked myself. Why? You tell me. The irony of it all is that I want to go alone, so I can try to talk to her without anyone watching me, but I never go alone because I feel incredibly insecure by myself, sometimes even unsafe or scared. Hey man, you should see the kind of types that enter the café, you’d shit your pants. Everytime I get a chance to go there by myself, like yesterday, I just can’t go in there for reasons that aren’t really clear to me. Are you sleeping yet?

Since this post only has one comment so far and I’m a comments whore, please feel free to share with me your wisdoms of life or just shout random absurd things while I prepare for another update, which will be an even bigger waste of both your and my time.

Here’s a picture of a giant bird looking at a shouting chocolate cake.

Update 2

So here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna try and let the two guys inside my head, you know: the good guy and the drunk guy, do the writing this time. Green text is the good guy -the guy I want to be- while the red text is the other guy, the guy who controls my thoughts most of the time since he always throws Jägermeister bottles at the good guy to scare him away. This is going to be extremely weird and chances are it might piss some people off, so I’ll just say sorry and I love you all in advance. Don’t take all this too seriously, I just need to put it down here so I don’t have to keep all this inside my head. Because my head is hurting and when you’re having sudden attacks of diarrhea the last thing you want is for other parts of your body besides the anus to start giving you pain. What’s with me and diarrhea?

Last night I went to the café. It was Friday, Stijn was there, she was there and the piek had been fixed so no reasons not to go. I put on my Johnny Cash shirt, stole one of Pearheads t-shirts, drank two shots of Jägermeister, brushed my teeth to make sure my breath didn’t reek of liquor and went to town.

Yeah, Jägermeister! Hey man, I need another bottle.

Shut up, it’s not your turn yet. Go get drunk or something while I continue the story.

Piss off. I don’t have any liquor left to get drunk on. I had to drink all the Jäger we had because you couldn’t get your shit together last night. Oh look at me, I’m such a nice and friendly chap but I’m afraid to say anything to the girl I like. Boo fucking hoo. Go hang yourself man.

I hate you. So I entered the café, saw Stijn, good, saw her, very good, smelled my armpits, goodest, and –

Shut the fuck up about your armpits man.

– and went over there. Said hi to Stijn, then she turned around and gave me that look again.

Yeah man, that look that says: I fucking know you like me and I don’t like you at all. If you have something to say to me, say it in my face instead of keeping it to yourself all the time. God, you’re pathetic. I like everyone in this room more than you.

Hmm, something like that.

Of course, I’m always right. Don’t try to ignore me. You can’t win Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

I managed a weak smile but felt different already.

Say it, you felt depressed. Wow dude, she’s the woman of your dreams: as soon as she looks as you, you become sad and want to cry like a baby.

That’s not true. Shut up. Bit of small talk going on about Carmen becoming fat, I didn’t find it particularly funny but the two of them seemed to be enjoying themselves so I just savoured my beer and sweated my ass off because it was way too hot in there.

I swear to God man. If he made any more jokes about her being fat, I was going to bail out of there and go search for some booze so I could pass out on an undisclosed location.

Yeah, should’ve told him to stop but since I find other people having fun makes me happy as well, I didn’t.

No, you didn’t because she was sitting right next to him and you didn’t have the balls to tell him. You still don’t.

Okay, maybe. But anyway. Suddenly she showed her belly. It was the second greatest thing I had ever seen, the first thing being her smile.

Oh cut the crap already Casa-wannafuckingbe-nova. Come on dude, she was getting kinda fat.

So?

I don’t hump fat chicks.

You haven’t humped any women.

That’s because of you, you fucking shy fag.

Shut up.

No man, you shut up. It’s my turn to continue this boring piece of bullcrap. So it was the same old situation yesterday. Everyone was enjoying themselves, a lot of people were drunk, I fucking hate drunk people when I’m sober, and I sat there, waiting for something exciting to turn me away from this growing sense of boredom, depression and the urge to go just say ‘Fuck off’ and go buy a bottle of Jägermeister.

I didn’t like sitting outside yesterday. Usually I prefer it to sitting in the café when the weather’s this good, but yesterday it just didn’t work out. I have a very bad sense of hearing, why? I don’t play my music loud, why are my ears not working? so when someone’s sitting more than three feet away from me and he or she isn’t talking particularly loud, I just can’t understand them. It’s even worse at parties: then people can shout something in my ear at the top of their voice and I can’t understand a word of what they’re saying because my ears seem to think loud music is more important than words.

That sucks man.

Yes, it does. So I couldn’t understand the conversations that were going on and I was too damn lazy to move my chair. The shouting drunk people behind me weren’t helping either.

So you just sat there quietly, enjoying your Cola but not having fun at all.

Yeah, I guess so.

You should have followed my advice man. Stand up, get the hell away from there and go buy a bottle of Jägermeister. Drink all the depression away baby!

No no no. I’m not like that. I don’t drink by myself.

Make that past sense: didn’t drink by myself. Or maybe you didn’t notice those empty Jägermeister bottles in your room.

…

Exactly. It was the same shit, different day. Why do you keep going there man, it only gets you depressed. As soon as she gives you that look, your evening is ruined and you just pray you won’t be crying when you go to sleep. Like I said, she must be the woman of your life: she looks at you and you become depressed.

That’s not true. I only feel bad when she gives me that look.

Which happens every time she sees you. Doesn’t surprise me, she must think you’re pathetic.

Shut up, don’t say stuff like that.

Why? Because you know I’m right? Because you know I’m realistic.

You’re not realistic, you’re pessimistic. I have to try and be optimistic about all this.

Just give it up already. You’re only hurting yourself. You know you’re never going to talk to her, so why keep going down there and ruining your life? I don’t see how you can be optimistic about a situation like this man.

Neither do it, but I don’t want to give up.

But you feel like giving up every night you get back from the café. You’re not making any good impressions on her man. Just forget about her. She deserves someone better than someone with a twisted mind like yours man. What good is a guy who gives her a weak smile and then just sits there for the rest of the evening, not saying anything and looking angry, sad and probably scary too. She needs someone who is mentally stable and who can say the right things at the right time, not someone who is more concerned about his own personal problems than hers.

Hey man, that’s a horrible thing to say.

Hell, I’m the bad guy. I can say what I want. Poppycock.

Eh?

Never mind.

Maybe you’re right. There’s not much point in just going down there and not doing anything. It’s just that I don’t feel at ease with lots of people around.

Hell man, you know you’re not going to feel at ease when you’re alone with her. And you know you’re not going to say anything then either. Because you’re not like that. Don’t try to change who you are.

But I want to change.

Well, you can’t. All those nights at the café have been the proof of that. Let it go man. You have to know when you’re beaten. Wave that white flag. Yield. Give up.

If I give up, will you go away?

Probably not.

I hate you.

Just try to stop me.

I will.

No, you won’t. Fuck it. Fuck the café. I’m never going back there again. It’s not worth it.

…

Update 3

A short update to clear up a few things and because I just wanted to post a picture of Wentworth Miller. Is that wrong? It probably is. Anyway. So uhm, read Indy’s comment before you read this.

First of all, I didn’t drink any Jägermeister since the two shots I mentioned in the previous update. And blogging is probably the last thing on my mind when I’m drunk, so no, the previous update wasn’t fueled by Jägermeister, or at least not directly. Right now I’m all out of Jäger at home and I hope to keep it that way for a while longer. Like I said, I don’t like drinking by myself. I don’t see the point.

About me wanting to change. Some misunderstandings there. The only reason I cut my hair a few weeks back was because it looked horrible and it was just too much trouble to try and make it look good. Kept blowing in my face when I was riding on my bike and stuff, so I decided to just get rid of it. The line about leaving a couple of years behind me wasn’t meant to be symbolic in any way, I guess I was just pointing out that that hair had been growing on my head for a few years and now it’s gone. So I left it behind. Something like that, I don’t know.

Yes, it’s strange to go from an emotionless little bugger to a full-blown emo wanker. The process isn’t much fun, I can tell you that. Before this whole mess, when people told me random stuff like ‘You look good today’ I said thanks to be nice, but usually I was just thinking ‘Yeah, whatever’. But now when someone says things like that, feelings I probably had been pushing back all these years suddenly pop up. Hey, this person cares about me. I didn’t know people really cared about me, why would they? So the next step is to share those thoughts with those people. Pretty hard to do right now, since I have to fight back tears as soon as someone says something nice to me and I just can’t say anything because there’s a, well, whatever the English expression for a krop in de keel is, at those moments. But I’m working on that. To quote the bald guy from Lost: Change is good.

I promised I would keep this update brief, so I’m gonna end now. I just wanted to post some more randomness. In case I update again with the green guy and the red guy, if you’ve seen Prison Break -you should watch it if you haven’t already, amazing show- imagine the green guy is Michael and the red guy is Mahone. Michael is one of my favourite characters in a television series. All he wants to do is rescue his brother and be nice to nice people. Pure love, and not so bad to look at either if I may say so. Mahone is a great bad guy, because he’s not a hundred percent evil. Everything he does, he does to eventually keep his own family safe. Some heads have to roll, some hearts have to be broken and his mind doesn’t quite function in the way it should, but in the end he’s a very likeable chap. So there, see you back soon. And thanks for the comments, only need five more to keep up the 10 comments average. LOL! Damnit Indy.

I want to change

Give it up, Scofield

Update 4

Just look at Wentworth, isn’t he cute? If I were gay…
Let’s not go that way.

Ten comments, my work here is done. See you on the next post.

Thanks guys!

Shut up. You can’t run forever.

Hey guys, can I play?

What the –

Hey, what’s goin’ on down here?

Go away!

What’s that guy’s problem? 

Anyone got a light?

No man, I don’t smoke.

Pussy.

Hey man, don’t go calling him names.

Oh yeah, and who are you?

Oh crap, I just farted.

What’s happening? I–

When I say Mötley you say Crüe! Mötley!

Crüe!

Mötley!

Crüe!

See you at or after Graspop. If you’re not going, please be sure to pass the bitchslapper on your way out, he’ll give you a smack for being a dumbass. Thank you, come again.